Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Tuesday Compendium of Crumbles From teh Interwebz

Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad blogger, no cookie, it's been a while since I posted here. I've been too busy writing to write about writing lately, plus a massively bad fibro flare over the winter that left me barely able to complete my must-do things on the Massive Whiteboard From Hell (MWFH) that make my publisher happy so they put money in my bank account, and which I promptly use to buy food and pay my mortgage and keep the electric company happy.

*sigh*

Adulting is hard work, yo.

So here are a few writing nuggets from here and thar to whet yer writing whistle.

Chuck Wendig is that profanely profound penmonkey of the Terribleminds blog, and I heart him so hard I would totally tie him up in my basement (if we had basements in this part of Florida) and feed him tequila and Krispy Kremes until I soaked every last bit of writing wisdom out of him. If you aren't subscribed to his blog, you should go bang your head against the nearest wall, hard, and then go subscribe to his blog.

Chuck also has some kick-ass writing books you should own. As in go clicky-click. Right-the-fark-now, clicky-click.



Kristen Lamb is another brilliant purveyor of writing wisdom. But since she does kick-ass Brazilian jujitsu ninja stuff, I would start with trying to bribe her with gluten-free, dairy-free chocolate cookies. (Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform...?) No, but I'd love to sit and pick her brain for...ever. Again, if you haven't subscribed to her blog yet, WTH? Go, do it, now. And it's not just writing advice she dispenses. She has some mental jujitsu crap going on, where she peels back your skull, looks inside, and writes about THAT, about real life. (Well, it feels like she's doing that to me, anyway.) She shows it's not all about perfection and daisies, and I don't know about y'all, but I NEED to hear that other people are going through real-life problems, too, because then I don't feel alone.



AND, she has an AMAZEBALLS book you MUST read if you're a writer.




Here are a few other writing posts for you to peruse today.

Enjoy!

Tymber's Latest



Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Weak words.


Sometimes, it's easy while writing to use the first word that floats to mind instead of a stronger, more descriptive word. That's not to say your writing should contain a thesaurus full of alternatives.

"She came into the room."
"She went into the room."
"She walked into the room."
"She entered the room."
"She bolted into the room."
"She dashed from the room."
"She limped into the rom."
"She stopped in the doorway and glanced around for a moment before stepping through."

None of those options are unacceptable. In some instances, depending on the mood you're trying to set, you might want one of the "plainer" options.

But which of those options paints the clearest mental image? The first two, came and went, are boring, flat, and weak. The second two, walked and entered, are okay. Bolted, dashed, and limped give us strong, clear mental images with an economy of words.

The last option, however, you can see that one, can't you? You might have even formed a quick mental picture of who "she" is and what the room looks like.

Everyone focuses so much on trying to eliminate passive writing that they forget sometimes weak writing is just as deadly to your prose. When you can, look at your writing and see where, in addition to "was/were/wasn't/weren't" you might use other "weak" words and word combos. We all have them, and as a writer, as you grow in your craft, your list of "weak" words will likely change and evolve.

Use find/replace to locate and highlight them so you can spot them. As with was/were, you might find it is the best choice in some cases. But in others, you'll see where you can spiff up your writing just by making a quick change in wording and it won't unnecessarily bulk up your word count, either.

Happy Writing!

Friday, December 5, 2014

More Facebook changes - pages are a losing game.

According to an article in Tech Times, Facebook is implementing new rules that will make reaching
your audience with a page even more difficult than ever unless you pony up big bucks you probably don't have.

I used to recommend authors--especially authors of erotica and romance--use a page as their primary way to reach readers for a few reasons. One, you're limited to 5k friends on a profile (as of this writing). Also, Facebook has been randomly whacking people for "fake names" (ie pen names) lately. And your profile is more vulnerable for being put in Facebook jail for promotions, especially if you're an author.

I have been recommending groups lately because, so far, Facebook hasn't gone after them yet. You can set them to "closed," meaning only the members can see the content. Members can select to receive notifications of when new posts are made. If you have a group, you can set it to moderated so that all new posts have to be approved first (doesn't apply to replies to posts) or you can even set it so only moderators can post. You can easily utilize files and photo albums as well. And it's easy to ban people you don't want there.

The nice thing about a group, you KNOW the people there want to be there. (NEVER ADD PEOPLE TO A GROUP WITHOUT THEM REQUESTING MEMBERSHIP!! DO NOT USE THE INVITE FUNCTION, IT ADDS PEOPLE!) Send people the group's url (you can set a custom url reflecting the group's actual name in settings) and let them REQUEST membership.

I DON'T CARE IF FACEBOOK ALLOWS THE FUNCTION, IT'S WRONG. IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF WALKING UNINVITED INTO SOMEONE'S HOME AND LEAVING THEM A PILE OF ADVERTISING FLIERS THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN!

Got it?

Okay.

But using groups is a great way to cultivate a dedicated reader base, people who WANT to be there because of YOU. Don't keep it all "business," either. Have fun with it, encourage discussions, post funny things.

Hints:

1) Do NOT ADD PEOPLE TO THE GROUP. Also, tell your members NOT to add people to the group. Hand out the group's url and let people request to join.

2) Set the group so that ONLY moderators can approve members! Otherwise, you might have people force-adding others without you approving the memberships.

3) Set it to a "closed" group which simply means only members can view the postings. (No, it won't show up in their feeds to their friends, like posting on a page will.) If someone doesn't want to "follow" the group they can, on their home page feed, hover over an item from the group and the "unfollow" option will appear. They'll still be a member, just not getting notifications in their feed about it. (Different, for some reason, than unchecking the notifications option on the group's page. #facebookfail on that one.)

4) Use the files section for updates about your books, excerpts, book reading lists, etc.

5) Have fun with it! You'll build a core group of not just readers, but friends. I have a readers group called Tymber's Trybe, and we have a blast there. I let my members post funny stuff, we discuss stuff, it's like a friendly 24/7/365 neighborhood cafe where people can drop in whenever they want. And I know they're there because they WANT to be there, not just because they're friends with me and then they see promo that shows up on my timeline from me.

6) Do not make it all promo. Don't abuse your membership like that. No one wants a 24/7 sales pitch.

7) Offer your members perks. I do cover reveals in my group and give them sneak peeks of WIPs that people not in the group don't get.

8) Never forget your group members are PEOPLE. Don't treat them as a commodity. They're not just numbers. They're PEOPLE.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Why proofreading and editing matters...

This is a screencap from the Amazon description page for a book blurb, a bestselling author. An NYT author. From a traditional, New York publishing house.


(Note: If you Google this, please do NOT out the author/title in the comments. I will delete comments that out the author and title.)

I did contact both the author and the publisher via Facebook.

Somewhere, in a New York publishing house, there is an editor who should get their ass publicly handed to them in a very vocal way.

FYI: In case you don't see what's wrong with that sentence, the book is about a motorcycle gang, not a bunch of cooks in a Chinese restaurant. (Does that help?)

This is why PROOFREADING and EDITING matters. I'm the first to admit I need an editor.

(Extra hint: WONTON is not a substitution for the word WANTON, which is what I suspect was intended.)

If New York trad pub think it's okay to let this kind of error slip through on a COVER BLURB, that is one of your SELLING TOOLS for your book, then they have no right to call themselves "gatekeepers" any longer, sorry.

I get it, I'm not perfect, either. Stuff slips through.

But...on your farking BLURB??? That's just...that's the ONE thing that should be absolutely PERFECT. How could no one have caught something THAT glaring?

EDIT: I just looked at the other books in the series...OMG, it's on ALL the books in the series! They basically repeated the SAME copy. OMG...

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Writer Beware: How NOT to behave toward readers and fellow writers.

The screencaps in question came from a writer's Facebook profile from a couple of days ago. The conversation started with the writer (who from what I could tell from their comments has been publishing for only about a year) bemoaning cliques, bullies, poor sales, etc. and that there was JUST SO MUCH dreck out there it was difficult for a writer to get ahead, bemoaning that another writer had just announced they were going to quit writing, etc.

Then things took a...disturbing turn.

A commenter (Se - full name redacted) made the comment regarding the genre of dark erotica (DE) that people who write it, and, well, you'll see for yourself. And the author, whose profile it was, AGREED WITH THEM. Keep in mind the author who owns the profile is an author of MM erotica.



Um, WOW. "Or else the authors and those who support it should be kidnapped and raped so they learn their fucking lesson."

Keep in mind, the commenter, Se, according to her profile, is an ACTRESS IN B-GRADE HORROR MOVIES. Um, yeah. Glass houses, much?

But even more disturbing is that not only does the author, E, let the comment stand, she REPLIES TO IT: "I could not agree more, Se! And yet the trampier and darker it is, the more it sells. It's a disgusting paradox, a cultural conundrum. ANYTHING GOES does NOT mean ANYTHING."

Ya know, if someone put something on my wall stating that authors and readers of certain genres should be "kidnapped and raped so they learn their fucking lesson," I'd personally be DELETING the comment and blocking the commenter. NOT agreeing with them!

(Gee, I wonder why this writer has poor sales?)

Here in the US, we fucking SHUT DOWN SCHOOLS for vaguer social media threats than that!

But, benefit of the doubt and all that. Maybe she didn't read the whole comment? Hmm.



Se comments again, talking (ironically) about words having power. Writing about how those authors must hate other women. And the author, E, agrees...AGAIN.

Well, gee, what happens when someone calls her on it? (Keep in mind at this point, the original comment by Se was STILL up, along with the author's responses (not once, but TWICE stating she agreed with the commenter, Se).



Um, well, TWICE she agreed with Se's comments. Guess she didn't think people would, I dunno, call her OUT ON THE OUTRAGEOUS AND HEINOUS COMMENTS??? Because, see, she commented NOT once, but TWICE about Se's comments before Se commented again. So, I'm thinking she had PLENTY of time to think about her response to Se. It sounded pretty straightforward to me. Also, I'm not sure how the author E defines divisiveness, but apparently it differs greatly from mine, because agreeing that writers and readers should be kidnapped and raped is pretty fucking divisive.




The comment in question had already been deleted, so I couldn't get a cap of that. But SA called the author out on the bullshit, and that was the author's response. Wow. I guess it's okay if you're a victim of a sexual crime to wish kidnapping and rape on authors and readers of genres you don't agree with. Nice logic fail. But, since she's in London, obviously she knows better than the rest of us poor hicks elsewhere in the world. Narcissistically superior attitude...check! But we're not allowed to have "pregnant offense" about a comment suggesting kidnapping and rape of authors and readers of DE is all right. Okay, gotcha. Double-standard. Check! I would also hazard a guess that Se or the author likely have not been victims of such violence, because I cannot imagine ANYONE who has been in that position and is a survivor (myself included) would EVER wish that kind of fate on someone else. So, I call BULLSHIT. I've wished many evil fates on fuckers in the past, but NEVER THAT. So...again, BULLSHIT.



Oh, so she was just being POLITE by agreeing that rape and kidnapping authors and readers of DE is okay. Ahhh. That makes it all better. And pity poor her, she's being bullied because she dared agree with someone suggesting heinous crimes are an okay response to writing something someone else doesn't like. She doesn't even know why everyone's in a "snit?" (Keep in mind, the original heinous comments from Se, come from someone who ACTS IN HORROR MOVIES. So, it's okay to glorify killings as entertainment in a movie, but if you write DE, that's not okay. Uh huh. Got it.)

But she also LIES in this comment, because she DID condemn people who did. (She'd already deleted the comments by this point. Yay, screencaps!) So, it's okay for HER to insult (and incite violence against) people, but it's NOT okay for people to call her out on it. Gotcha.

Here's the thing:

You know, I get that there are flavors of fiction that don't appeal to some. I get it, I really do, because there are flavors of fiction that I don't like. HOWEVER, there's a huge difference between saying you don't like something, and suggesting authors and readers of those genres you don't like should get kidnapped and raped to be "taught a lesson" about it. I'm sorry, but that's morally reprehensible rhetoric, IMO, and it smacks of the same kind of bullshit the Taliban and other radical religious nutjobs spout. And these are SUPPOSEDLY "liberal" people saying this shit. It's FICTION. If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT, but don't go saying shit that makes you look like a genetically inbred asshole, either.

And yes, regardless of what Se thinks, IT IS THAT SIMPLE.

I'm an ADULT. I will write what I damn well please, and I will read what I damn well please, and I do not need some self-righteous prig who apparently thinks women's lib is all about doing it THEIR way telling me I'm wrong and disturbed. I'm sorry, but fiction is FICTION.

You want to talk about books that incite violence against others? Let's start with the Bible and other religious tomes, shall we? Hmm? Because I've read the Bible. There's murder and rape and all sorts of lovely little things like that against others in there. So should we ban the Bible or other religious tomes for those reasons? Because, hello, according to Se and the author, that's exactly what should happen, those books don't deserve a place.

Hot news flash: YOU DON'T GET TO PICK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN READ, ASSHOLE.

I wonder if there is a category in Weight Watchers for activity points earned by backpedalling? Because, damn, instead of just deleting the WHOLE goddamned thread, the author dug herself a deeper hole. I guess she thought the Internet isn't forever. Screencaps, biatch. And I'm doing her and the commenter a favor by redacting her name. (Although I do have the unredacted screen caps up in my Tymber's Trybe group because the night it happened I ranted in there about it.)

So to the author in question: Hmm, let me help you out here. Why do your sales suck? I looked you up, and you have a history of going after people who give you one-star reviews. This is not the first time you've committed acts of asshattery. Are there bullies and cliques on GR and elsewhere? Yes, It's called LIFE. However, I can see by your actions that you aren't exactly what I'd call a little ray of sunshine, there, girlie. Your very behavior in this thread, attacking people who RIGHTFULLY called you out on your bullshit (and I also did you a favor by not getting screencaps of all your asshattery, because most of the people who called you out did so with FAR more class than your responses) shows you are NOT mature enough to deal with the public. Do yourself a favor: DITCH YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA. Focus on WRITING YOUR BOOKS and quit pissing and moaning about your sales. Because, seriously, based on this exchange and others I've found out about you, it's not other books tanking your sales, chica.

It's YOU.

You're a whiny, narcissistic, entitlement-minded BRAT. Readers notice that shit. You insulted readers. You probably lost a shit-load of potential readers from the people who saw the original dust-up on your page. You'd already lost several dozen friends by the time I blocked your sorry ass. You will never get any promo from me, and I already booted and blocked you and several of your pimping team from one of my groups over this.

Oh, and next time an asshat comments on your wall that people who write and read dark erotica (or ANY kind of book) should be raped and kidnapped, DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM. (Twice.) DELETE their fucking comments. And for fuck's sake, when you fuck up, APOLOGIZE. Do NOT dig yourself a deeper hole and accuse the people who call you out on it of being bullies. (Because, sorry, you agreeing that DE readers and writers should be kidnapped and raped IS BULLYING.) I don't know how you Londoners do shit, but here in the US, we don't look lightly upon people making those kinds of comments.

There was a time when GLBTQ romance and erotica (since you are a writer of MM erotica) was basically demonized. Yet you think nothing of demonizing another genre of books?

Fuck you, Sunshine.

I have ZERO TOLERANCE for book banners (which you are by your very words, thinking that a particular genre isn't worthy of existence) and I have ZERO TOLERANCE for people who condone violent responses to people who read and write certain genres.

It is as simple a matter of IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT.

Sorry you feel your sucky sales are the fault of other people, but I strongly suspect based on your reactions in this case that you will remain clueless.

Those of us who are writers because it's WHO WE ARE, not just what we do, we will NEVER stop writing. We just won't. Maybe you're not cut out to be a writer. We'll write even if we have to have a day job in addition to writing to pay our bills. If your sole concerns about your career are your sales, you are definitely in this for the wrong reason. If you think other genres that are selling are taking away from your sales, it just goes to show you do NOT understand the business of publishing. It is NOT a zero-sum game. Publishing is NOT a finite pie that will be eaten up and gone if you don't get your slice.

And frankly, you don't seem to have a grasp on the business of publishing. If YOU aren't in it just for the sales, then WHY ARE YOU FUCKING WHINING about what books DO sell? Seems like that's a pretty contradictory mindset, bucky.

It's a long, long marathon. And by insulting readers and their intelligence, you aren't going to garner many friends. You're bemoaning you aren't "successful" after a year of publishing? Bitch, I've been doing this for SIX FUCKING YEARS as a fiction writer and I'm still trying to find my way. There are writers who've been published longer than I am. It's called PUBLISHING. And it's a BUSINESS. And you do NOT win friends and influence people by being a cunt to readers and insulting their choices in reading material. (And yes, the word cunt appropriately describes you in this instance.)

Peace out, mutherfucker.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Fun With Linguistics: Snowclones

Here's a fun little Monday morning factoid for you. Ever heard of Snowclones? Sure you have, you just didn't know what they were.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat..."
"In Soviet Russia, you don't play tennis, tennis plays you..."
"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV..."

Those are Snowclones:

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/snowclone

And while you're at it, if you ever wondered where the "challenge accepted" or "Y U NO" angry guys came from, there are entries on that site for those, and more:

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/challenge-accepted
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/y-u-no-guy

Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

NaNoWriMo must-have books.

NaNoWriMo is here again. There is an AMAZEBALLS book bundle currently available for only .99 through the 'Zon that if you haven't gotten any of these books, even if you have one or two of them, GET IT because the books alone are worth more than that.



The Indie Author Power Pack: How To Write, Publish, & Market Your Book

Other books I think are fantastic for writers:


Save the Cat

Save the Cat!® Strikes Back

Save the Cat Goes to the Movies

The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Character Expression

The Writers Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers, 3rd Edition

Myth & the Movies: Discovering the Myth Structure of 50 Unforgettable Films

Why so many books about movies? Because writing is mental cinematography. If you can dissect movies, you can write better books. Because, as writers, we're taking the mental movies we see in our brain and trying to translate them onto the page for our readers.

I'll be posting more writing books over the next few days. This is a start, though, and these are books I have in my personal writing library.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Update in the Ellora's Cave vs Dear Author lawsuit.


Courtney Milan has posted a FANTABULOUS and amazeballs recap of the recent filings in the EC v DA case, including plain-English summations of evidentiary filings posted in the past couple of days. And, yeah, an Ebola footnote reference even. LOL (That can't be coincidental LOL.)

http://www.courtneymilan.com/ramblings/2014/10/22/the-exciting-world-of-the-tro-notchilled/

Monday, October 20, 2014

Authors, Do NOT read your reviews. PERIOD. And DO NOT STALK REVIEWERS!

(Note: I've edited the title of this to reflect that I'm directing this post to authors, NOT to readers. I am of the opinion that reviews are for READERS, not for authors. I don't mean any disrespect to reviewers, because most reviewers are great, just like the majority of authors aren't batcrap cray-cray stalkers. But the truth is, there are authors who cannot handle reading critical reviews.)

There was a disturbing article published recently by the Guardian, written by an author who, long story short, stalked a reviewer from Goodreads, which culminated in the author going to the reviewer's house. The author even purchased a background check on the person and called them at their JOB.

No, I'm not linking to it.

Here's the thing, the author claimed in their article that the reviewer went basically on a witch-hunt to destroy her book.

Whatever.

IN NO UNIVERSE IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR AN AUTHOR TO STALK A REVIEWER. PERIOD.

FULL-STOP.

EVER.

Are there asshats on Goodreads? Yes. (Hence why it's important to NOT READ REVIEWS.) Are there people who seem to get their jollies writing snarky reviews that are little more than personal attacks on authors? Yes.

HOWEVER.

Repeat after me: IN NO UNIVERSE IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR AN AUTHOR TO STALK A REVIEWER. PERIOD.

Ever.

EVVEEERRRRR.

I learned the hard way early on with one of my books that you NEVER argue with a reviewer. EVER. At the time, the publisher (it was a small indie press) even supported me replying to what I felt was not just an unfair review, but a total misrepresentation of the book, wide swaths taken out of context and twisted.

DOESN'T MATTER.

I had other AUTHORS, by the DOZENS, writing me privately and cheering me on for standing up to the reviewer, because their books had received similar treatment.

DOESN'T MATTER.

I never should have responded to the review, period. Boy, howdy, did I learn that lesson.

HOWEVER, in NO universe would I have EVER thought about stalking the reviewer. EVER. EVER. In fact, I went the other way, and refused to visit the site. When asked privately about it, I flat-out told people my feelings about the site (and was glad to hear most people felt the same way I did).

It was a very hard lesson I learned, and I have never forgotten it. Which is why I counsel writers to NEVER READ YOUR FUCKING REVIEWS. EVER.

EEEEVVVEEERRRRRRR.

Because if you can't handle some random, faceless person on the Internet being a jackass, and you go so far as to purchase a BACKGROUND check to hunt someone down? Bucky, have I got news for you, you need some serious mental health intervention.

What sickens me is that I'm seeing people, especially authors, who are actually praising this author for what they did.

WTF?? ARE YOU SHITTING ME???

Flip the script. If it was a MALE author who went after a female reviewer, going so far as to show up at her house, do you think that people would be praising him?

NO. THEY'D BE CALLING HIM A FUCKING STALKER.

And they'd be right.

Just like the author who did this IS A FUCKING STALKER. I don't give a shit if the reviewer said the author chopped up live babies for smoothies and used puppies for pinatas, IT'S JUST WORDS. It's some random asshat's random opinion.

If you are going to be a writer, you need to put your fucking gator hide on. I talked about this a few weeks ago. If you can't handle the fact that there are people in this world who seemingly get their jollies by being dicks and writing snarky reviews, then get the fuck out of this business NOW. Because it'll only get worse.

Some authors are cheering on the author, saying that the reviewer had it coming.

Um, WHAT? I suppose if she wore shorts and got raped she'd deserve that too, huh?

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, someone said something bad about you on the goddamned Internet.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

Do I get bad reviews? Yeah. So? Most of them look like they were written by a Ritalin-addicted 5-year-old, and if I don't take them seriously, chances are other people don't, either. As a reader, when I see stuff written about a book where it looks like the reviewer has an ax to grind, do you think I give it any weight?

NO.

Do you?

Chances are, NO. So why the fuck would you make yourself look like a crazy person by stalking a reviewer on the Internet and going so far as to CALL THEM AT THEIR JOB and VISIT THEIR HOME? Again, the point isn't if the reviewer was in the wrong or not.

The point is that the author went off the rails and STALKED THE REVIEWER. Had the reviewer been sending severed fingers or something to the author via US Mail, yes, I would expect a different response.

But if someone just writes a bad review about your book, or is tweeting shit about you?

IGNORE THEM.

Yes, I get that sometimes it escalates. Not even going to go into the cray-cray pool that is gamergate. Not talking about that kind of stuff.

If someone says something bad about your book, IGNORE THEM. If someone's bugging you on Twitter? BLOCK THEM. Obviously if their behavior becomes threatening, if they make direct threats to you, that's different. But them saying they don't like your book?

FUCKING GROW UP.

One more time: IT IS NEVER OKAY TO STALK A REVIEWER. PERIOD.

It's NEVER OKAY to stalk anyone, regardless of the circumstances.

If you are so mentally fragile that you can't handle the fact that the WORLD is full of assholes, you have no business putting yourself out there in a profession that requires a pretty damn thick skin.

*rant/out*

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Google Play Books for the self-pubbed. (Or: How to rip out all your hair without even trying.)

I know when self-pubbing a book, be it fiction or non-fic, getting it out to as many venues as possible is the desired goal.

HOWEVER. (You knew that was coming, right?)

Google Play.

You'd think for a company that can map the entire farking world in 360-degree-view increments could invent an e-book selling platform back end that didn't...you know...SUCK.

For starters, it's NOT user friendly. (This coming from someone who rarely needs a manual for ANYTHING.)

Secondly, it's nearly as slow as Nook to get stuff posted. (Again, the whole technology, instant search results, we're the king of tech rep thing Google has going hasn't translated well to their Google Play platform. At least, not the book end of it.)

Third, they have a really unfriendly, bulky, and anti-social reports feature. (Just try it. You'll see what I mean.)

Fourth, trying to format blurb text SUCKS.

Fifth, they have a mandatory discount on your prices that you don't get any say over. (See this post over at Kboards for a chart on overriding it so Amazon et al doesn't price match to Google's discount.)

Sixth, epub files that Kobo and Nook will take just fine, without any problems, will suddenly start spouting weird problems that hang up Google's meat grinder. (Hint: Save your doc as an rtf, make sure you're using styles for normal text versus headers, save it as an html, then convert to epub with Calibre.)

Seven, you need a LOT of OTC headache meds (or alcohol) when loading books into the damn thing.

Eight, it takes FOREVER for the books to process (and you thought 24 hours for Kindle was bad) and update info if you have to make changes.

Nine, good luck finding the publisher back-end. (Hint: Once you do, bookmark that biatch and keep it on your toolbar. And, oh yeah, it's located HERE.)

Ten, when you Google search for help on Google books, you have to weed through about three pages of UNHELPFUL Google help pages to find third-party websites that are, you know, actually helpful.

I could go on and on.

That said, why should someone self-pub with Google Play if it's that much of a PITA?

Because it's there. Because it's free to sign up for it, and if you make one sale there, it's one sale more than you had before, that's why.

But, seriously, it'll make you appreciate Smashwords more than you ever thought possible. (So you know that's saying something.)

Here are some links to help you navigate the muddy waters that are Google Play Books. (You'll have to supply your own booze, sorry.)