Another reason why authors should use Facebook pages and not profiles.

A follow-up to my last post about Facebook pages versus profiles for authors. This morning, in a private publisher group, one of my fellow authors posted a warning about someone whose stated age on their profile was only 15, yet they were having a friend-fest friending erotic romance authors.

Ahem.

Ignoring the whole parental supervision issue, there is a larger issue: many erotic romance authors had accepted friend requests FROM A MINOR. Think about that for a moment.

I know some erotic romance authors post naughty pictures on their profiles.

Sit and think about that for a moment. There could be legal ramifications to that.

When I went and looked at the profile in question, I personally pegged it as a religious troll, because the only other post on there was a graphic with the caption, "God sees all."

Yes, unfortunately, there are religious trolls out there who will friend romance authors and then report the profiles to Fb.

I admit I rarely accept friend requests any more, and it's even more rare I send a friend request. It's for several reasons, the first being that I'm over the 4k mark on friends. The second being I just went a couple of rounds with a stalker. The third being crap like this.

With a Facebook page, you can set age and even location restrictions on your page. This means you can promo the crap out of your Facebook link without worrying about an account held by a minor (if they haven't lied about their age) accessing your page.

This is also another excellent remind to everyone to set your friends list to PRIVATE. Because I guarantee you, this troll went down friends lists of people who friended her and started mass-friending people. If your friends list is set to private, people cannot do that. Do you open your phone contacts to the general population? No? Then why open your friends list the same way?

Pages, people. Pages. Set up a page, grab the custom url from Facebook to match your pen name, and use that as your main Facebook link. It will save you headaches like this in the long run, because unfortunately there are people out there more interested in causing erotic romance authors problems than dealing with their own lives.

Why authors should use a Facebook Page and not a Profile.

I see the the debate go back and forth about Facebook. Unfortunately, I see a lot of authors misusing Facebook. That's a whole series of posts right there.

But as an author, especially if you're a romance or erotica author, you need to use a page and promote that rather than your profile.

Why?

Because lately, Facebook is getting wiggy and cracking down on authors who promote "adult" material. Now, in some of the cases, the crackdown was triggered by pictures posted on their profile that someone complained about.

In some cases, there were complaints about the profile itself, and because the writer was promoting "adult material," or because it was a "fake name" (ie pen name) they locked down the account.

This is one of the many reasons you need a PAGE.

You only get (as of right now) five thousand friends on a profile. Yes, you can have more than that with followers, but only 5k friends. Pages do not have that limitation.

Pages have metrics that profiles don't have. This is useful to see trends of likes to postings, new page likes, etc.

You can set pages to restrict ages (great for erotica authors).

You can get private messages through pages, people can comment on pages (or you can set them to not be able to comment). There are lots of features you can use on pages. You can even get the custom urls for them like you can profiles.

If Facebook yanks your page (and they have page designation categories for books, etc.) then, guess what? You STILL have your account. You start a new page.

If Facebook yanks your PROFILE... Well, you're totally starting over from scratch. There is a troubling increase lately in religious trolls who are friending romance and erotica authors and then reporting their profiles to Facebook just because.

I wish I was making that up.

If pages had been around when I first got my Facebook account, I would have used it from the start. You can interact with people on your page like you can on your profile. But it also allows you a little bit of protection.

So, seriously, get yourself a page for your pen name, and use THAT as your Facebook platform. Lock down your author profile so it's viewable by friends ONLY, lock down your friends list so ONLY you can see it, lock down your details as much as possible for privacy. Be VERY careful who you friend on Facebook, and please, do NOT spam people when you friend them/they friend you with a "please like my stuff" kind of message. Do NOT do that. It's rude, and it's tacky. It's like meeting someone at a party and they hand you a business card and say, "I sell insurance, you can come in tomorrow at 2pm for a portfolio review, right?"

Seriously. It's the SAME DAMN THING.

So knock it the fuck off.

Stop sending PMs to people with requests to like or buy your stuff. Quit sending invites to your pages. (Posting notices about asking people to like things to YOUR page/profile is okay. That's YOUR real estate. Don't put it on THEIR page or profile or PM.)

And get yourself over to Kristen Lamb's blog and buy her book Rise of the Machines, about social media for authors. Stop being your own worst enemy in terms of self-promotion.

And treat your readers like FRIENDS, NOT like commodities or customers. If you let them get to know you, they will eventually buy your stuff. But trying to force-feed it to them is only asking for trouble.

Worldbuilding 101

Whether you're writing a contemporary novel or a fantasy set in a make-believe realm, there's always going to be some aspect of "worldbuilding" to your writing. How extensive it has to be depends on your story.

Here are some helpful links to...well, help. Enjoy.

Chuck Wendig's terribleminds blog: 25 Things You Should Know About Worldbuilding
Belinda Crawford: A World-building Template for When You're on the Go
Belinda Crawford: The World-building Leviathan and a Scrivener Template
Holly Lisle: How Much of My World Do I Build?
Victoria Strauss: An Impatient Writer's Approach to World Building
Rebecca Zanetti: Five Blunders Authors Make in World-Building
Mellanie Szereto: Worldbuilding
Washington Romance Writers: Worldbuilding for Writers
SFWA: Fantasy Worldbuilding Questions
Sisters in Crime: One Writer's World-Building Tools

Grammar...it matters.

Just ran across a book blurb on Facebook for a book due out on 9/20.

Be proud of me, I didn't shame them publicly.

They wrote that the main character was born to "heroine addicted parents."

*blink*

*blink*

You know, I could have asked in the comments, "Which one? Wonder Woman? Batgirl? She-Hulk?" But...I didn't. I sent the poster a polite PM pointing out the error. Because, based on the blurb, I'm guessing the term "heroin-addicted parents" probably comes up more than once, and the word "heroin" might have been mistakenly replaced by "heroine" more than once if the mistake was made in the blurb.

And it was not the only error in the blurb. Based on the blurb, no way would I buy the book, if it had that many errors in it.

This is why, self-published authors, you MUST ENGAGE THE SERVICES OF AN EDITOR!!!! If you don't, and you don't know your "heroine" from your "heroin," you might likely find yourself ridiculed (with only yourself to blame).

And if you don't know why "heroine addicted parents" is in NO way a suitable replacement for "heroin-addicted parents?" Well, bunky, then you really need to go back to school.

No, I'm not perfect. This is why I'm the FIRST person to know I NEED an editor. And I've been repeatedly told by editors that my edits are usually pretty clean. So if someone like ME knows I need an editor, then why would anyone feel they are above the services of an editor?

And no, I'm also not playing "Mean Girls" here. I'm trying to point out why you cannot get your panties in a twist if you are responsible for making a totally stupid, totally juvenile, and totally PREVENTABLE mistake in something you are putting out to SELL TO THE PUBLIC.

Don't turn your Alphas into A$$holes.

There's a disturbing trend as of late in romance and erotica books, of trying to push the envelope with "bad boys," or "dominant Alpha men."

Unfortunately, I've had an inordinately high number of DNF's  (did not finish) books over the past couple of months (no, I'm NOT going to name authors or books) where the hero was supposed to be some Alpha dude, and he actually comes off as an asshole.

#authorfail

Usually, this was because we didn't begin to see any kind of a redeeming feature in the hero until later in the book, if at all. And in many cases, if there was a "redeeming" moment, I missed it completely because I couldn't stand the hero and DNF'd the book.

Authors, you need to remember your readers do NOT know your characters the way YOU know them. YOU might know the hero isn't an asshole, and if they'll just hold on until later in the book, you'll prove it.

Unfortunately, if you wait that long to show the bad boy's snuggle-muffin side, you're really risking losing the reader.

Here's how you handle it: You need to show, either BEFORE the hero meets the heroine, or as soon as possible after (meaning IMMEDIATELY after) the hero's softer side. Whether it's you show him going in to volunteer at a Hospice house, or he rescues a kitten from a drainage ditch, or he does SOMETHING honorable/valiant/squee-worthy/"awww" worthy -- SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Because, believe me, if the heroine comes away from the first meeting thinking he's a douche nozzle, chances are your readers will, too. So you'd best salvage that bad boy's rep ASAP, or you'll be scratching your head over reader comments later saying how they'd like to roast his balls.

The hero MUST have an honorable streak of SOME sort. He MUST have a reason for us to like him. Even Hannibal-freaking-Lecter, A SERIAL KILLER, had people rooting for him!!!!

Let me repeat that. A SERIAL KILLER.

HAD US ROOTING.

FOR HIM!!!!

Yes, I'm shouting.

Why do we like Hannibal Lecter, besides Sir Anthony Hopkins' brilliant portrayal of him in the movie? Because he has his own twisted code of honor. If you're not rude to him, chances are, you won't end up on his dinner plate. He plays by a set of rules.

He's a freaking SERIAL KILLER.

And yet we root for him.

Have I drilled this through your head yet?

Here's what you need to ask yourself, and I mean REALLY ask yourself. If you met your hero on the street, and knew NOTHING else about him, and he interacted with you the way he interacts with your heroine, would you like him, or would you call him a fucking piece of smelly toe cheese and tell him to go fuck himself?

Quit whining. Seriously, quit fucking whining about this. I don't CARE what his noble intentions are. If I toss the book thirty seconds after he pulls his Sir Douchey of Cunttown act, it doesn't matter HOW much you redeem him in the last chapter of the book, because I've already chucked it and considered adding you to my "authors to never ever read again" list.

And here's another thing to ponder. If readers see your heroine FALLING for Tom Twatwaffle, they're going to seriously question her intelligence and self-esteem, and they'll want to slap the everlovin' crap out of her. Meaning you'll have a book where readers hate BOTH your hero and heroine.

NOT a recipe for success.

So if you're going to write a bad boy, introduce him FIRST. Make us LIKE him FIRST. Invest us in HIM. Then let him trip into the heroine during their first meeting and give us a REASON to see why he acts like a fucking tool to her. Then you'll have us rooting for HER to see the same goodness in him that we do, and you'll amp up the tension in the process, because we'll be biting our nails hoping they do get their shit together, and that he is able to drop the Dick Dilweed act for her and they'll end up with an HEA we can all love.

Got it? Good.

Now please, please, PEASE stop writing bad-boy-redeemed-in-final-chapter books! Kthxbai!

Friday Frappe

It's time for another Friday Frappe. Here is a list of links for your perusal. Enjoy!

Kristen Lamb: Brave New Publishing & Attack of the Feral Plot Bunnies
Dave Farland: Working With a Cast of Millions
Jane Friedman: The Problem With Overly Nice Characters
Jane Friedman: 3 Reasons Why a Facebook Page Can't Replace an Author Website
Rachelle Gardner: Those Annoying Exclamation Ponts!!!
August Wainwright: The Indie 50 - The 50 Best Sites for Indie and Self-Published Authors
Self-Publish 101: The most-annoying writing mistakes [Infographic]
Writer Unboxed: Strength in Weakness
Speaking to the Eyes: Chekov's Neglected Gun

Monday Mash-Up

Happy(?) Monday!

Here's your Monday Mash-Up of links that have hit my inbox over the past few days.

Enjoy!

Savvy Authors: Imagination and knowledge: The Basis of the Historical Novel
David Gaughran: 5 Book Marketing Myths You Need to Forget
Writer Unboxed: Marketing Outside the Box
Kristen Lamb: Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome -- Writers of the Digital Age
Babbling About Books and More: WTFery or Not? You Decide
Redwood's Medical Edge: New Stories for Authors: Cyanide and the Lottery Winner

Publishing Contracts: Red Flags and Warnings

Today, we're going to discuss contracts.

For crissake, get your fingers out of your ears and quit making "lalalalala" noises at me. If you want to make a living as a writer, contracts are part and parcel of the "not fun" part of writing.

So suck it up, buttercup, and deal with it. Once you understand them, believe me, they are NOT as scary as they appear.

You do, however, HAVE TO READ THEM.

Publishing contracts can sometimes be tricky to decipher, especially from traditional publishers. However, contracts for most indie publishers, especially if they offer digital-only, or digital plus print-on-demand, aren't so difficult the average writer can't decipher them. The truth is, unless your family lawyer is experienced in publishing law, they might be less than helpful to you for some of the clauses.

Off the bat, here is a quick checklist of things to look/look out for:

• Finite contract length should be specified in years and NOT dependent on flimsy sales thresholds or "in print" statuses that are easily rigged by the publisher to benefit them. Beware of "perpetual renewal" clauses. (Different from automatic renewal, which can be ended after the initial contract period.)
• Copyright must be retained by author. (And the contract cannot be for the "life of the copyright.)
• Rights the publisher exercises should be clearly specified, not broadly grabbed in non-specific, future-looking ways. Rights the publisher doesn't exercise should be specifically awarded to the author. (Note: Contracts that are overly broad in terms of grabbing all languages and all print binding types, as well as all media types, and merchandising, are definitely a red flag.)
• Royalty payment and royalty statement delivery timeframes should be clearly specified. (ie. every quarter, with the quarter end date specified, and a maximum number of days after that, such as 30 days after end of quarter, etc.)
• "Net" royalties should be clearly defined. (ie. the publisher says they pay you a percentage of the actual amount of money they receive, not some cloudy "net profit" with poorly defined expenses -- expenses should be borne by the publisher, not the writer, and already figured into their selling price)
• Payment method should be stated. (ie. wire transfer, check, fund type -- important especially for authors dealing with publishers in different countries and using different monetary types)
• Audit clauses. Do NOT sign any contract without an audit clause.
• Non-compete clauses. It is highly recommended you do NOT sign a non-compete clause, unless it's for a specific pen name you've already set up to write for that particular publisher. (That is not an uncommon occurrence, for a writer to contract a series under a pen name to a specific publisher, and it's also not a "bad" thing. AS LONG AS you understand up front what you're getting into and it doesn't limit you in any way to write similar types of books under other pen names for other publishers or self-published.) Any non-compete clause that limits you in what and how and where you can publish fiction under other pen names can be dangerous to your career if you don't understand it. For example, my pen name Tymber Dalton is now exclusive to my publisher for a set number of years for my fiction, but they allow me to self-publish non-fiction tutorials as Tymber. However, it does NOT limit me in any way to other pen names, publishers, genres, etc. Also, I participated in two special series with two different pen names created exclusively for the publisher, for those special series. Nothing in the contracts prohibited or restricted me under my other pen names.
• First refusal clauses and next book clauses. Make sure these are specific to a book/series, and not broad by genre/pen name.
• Kill fees.

Want some more info? Run a Google search for "publishing contract red flags" and you'll find a bunch. Here are just a few resources:

EPIC's Red Flag/Yellow Flag List

A Contract Primer: Red Flags

Your Book Deal and Publishing Contract... Red Flags to Watch Out For!

Writing Contract Red Flags

Contract Red Flag: Net Profit Royalty Clauses

There are plenty more sites out there, those are just some of the top ones.

Never be afraid to go back to a publisher and ask for clarification on a clause. And if there is a clause in a contract that you don't like? Ask to strike or change it. If they won't, don't be afraid to walk away.

Friday Frappe

Happy 4th of July Friday. (Yes, I know I should have posted a note yesterday. Sorry.)

Anyhoo.

Here's your Friday Frappe list of linkage that whizzed through (not on or in, thankfully) my inbox recently.

Enjoy!


Dave Farland's Daily Kick in the Pants: Ten Easy Ways to Get Rejected
The Business Rusch: Selling Books Elsewhere (foreign rights and new publishing paradigms)
Dean Wesley Smith: Helping Readers Find Your Work
Julie Glover: Miss Spelling and Tricky Words
Jenny Hansen: Figuring Out Your Story's Turning Points
David Gaughran: How to Avoid Publishing-Assisted Suicide
Galleycat: Literary Agents Share Manuscript Wish Lists
Feral Intensity: Amazon's Ripping Me Off! (no, not really, but catchy title)
Real Business: How I Got a Blank Book to the Top of the Amazon Charts
Chuck Wendig: Tweet #100,000 (Or: "The Terribleminds Guide to Life") (Seriously, WHY are you not following him yet?)
Chuck Wendig: Search Term Bingo Peed in Your Gas Tank (yes, he gets two mentions this time around)
Kristen Lamb: Freedom isn't Free--5 Common Tactical Errors in Self-Publishing

Friday Frappe

Happy Friday! Here is a list of various links that have crossed my inbox.

Want to write the next Dark Crystal novel? (Galleycat): http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/win-a-contract-to-write-a-dark-crystal-novel_b72556

A "traditionally published" author denies that self-pub is "destroying literature" as some would claim. (Laura Resnick): http://lauraresnickauthor.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/self-publishing-is-destroying-the-world-oh-nooooooo/

How to avoid comma splices. (Grammar Girl): http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/common-comma-error.aspx

We're marketers, not soldiers. (co.Create): http://www.fastcocreate.com/1682406/we-re-marketers-not-soldiers-how-combative-competition-is-killing-creativity

The three NEVERs of Social Media. (Kristen Lamb): http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/the-three-nevers-of-social-media/

Writer Beware: Crimson Romance

Reports are starting to filter in about problems at Crimson Romance. Do your research before you sign ANY contracts.

http://accrispin.blogspot.com/2013/06/authors-concerns-at-crimson-romance.html

Tuesday Topics

Here are a few good articles that crossed my inbox over the past few days. Enjoy! :)

Using unreliable narrators in your story (Writer Unboxed): http://writerunboxed.com/2013/06/18/who-you-gonna-trust/

Plot dissection of other books to fix your own hot mess (Writer Unboxed): http://writerunboxed.com/2013/06/17/plot-dissection/

Building rhino skin to deal with reviews (Romance University): http://romanceuniversity.org/2013/06/17/building-your-thick-outer-skin-with-nicole-flockton/

Handling criticism (Kristen Lamb): http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/handling-criticism/

OED has added "Tweet" and others (Galleycat): http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/oxford-english-dictionary-adds-tweet-crowdsourcing_b72384

Facing your fears about change as a writer (Kristen Lamb): http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/change-resistance-is-futile/

Making the ordinary menacing in your novel (Writer's Digest): http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/5-ways-to-make-the-ordinary-menacing-in-your-suspense-novel

Seamlessly adding backstory (Writer's Digest): http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/how-to-weave-backstory-seamlessly-into-your-novel

Don't be a slave to the structure.

This post crossed my inbox yesterday from Writer Unboxed. I'm no silent fan of mythic structure (let's face it, it works) but I also know it's not EVERYTHING there is to a book. It's just one component.

Why the hero's journey is a tourist trap.

Editors: They're not your maid, or your mommy.

I've heard this so many times from newbie authors that I decided to blog about it.

When you submit a manuscript to a publisher, guess what? You need to submit your POLISHED work.

"But...but...but...isn't that what they pay editors for?"

Well, sort of. An editor's job is to catch nitpicky typos, like misplaced/missing/extraneous commas, the odd mix-up of their/they're/there or something, catch misused words, and to guide a writer through story issues that might need to be addressed and changed.

However. If you can't be bothered to fix your dialog tags, or you can't be bothered to learn why you don't use apostrophes for plural forms, and you have multiple errors in every paragraph, then guess what?

That's NOT an editor's job to fix. That's when you need to hire an editor BEFORE you submit your work so they can correct things. Meaning you'll have to PAY them. Because you didn't bother learning how to do your job before you submitted something.

And guess what else? You need to LEARN from every edit.

As of this writing, I've got over forty-five books to my credit, and believe me, I STILL learn from every edit. Any author who says their writing is perfect and doesn't need editing is either 1) insane, 2) an asshole, 3) lying, or 4) an insane, lying asshole. Because any author worth their salt knows they never stop learning.

And if you think your work shouldn't be touched because it's your "art," then you're deluding yourself. Take your meds, you're overdue.

It is YOUR responsibility as the writer to learn your craft. Seriously. You wouldn't want to be sitting there on the operating table before they put you under just to hear your doctor say, "Oh, hey, I'm not real sure how this goes, but don't worry, my nurse will do clean-up for me." (Nothing against nurses, because believe me, I've known my fair share frequently more capable than the average doctor. LOL) But would you want your doctor saying that to you?

Then why on earth do you think it's okay to submit less than your best work to a publisher?

Why do you think the editor is supposed to do YOUR work for you?

YOU are the author. YOU are the one who should be working and learning and DOING this!

"Oh, but that's HARD WORK!"

Um, YEAH. Guess what? Writing isn't as easy as it looks! And if you are facing rejection after rejection after rejection, maybe, JUST maybe, you need to invest in an EDITOR to show you what you are doing wrong!

Yeah, that will cost you money. Because if you haven't done the work to learn the craft, you're going to have to pony up money in lieu of experience. Just like a DIYer will have to either pay a plumber to put the new kitchen faucet in, or they'll have to get off their lazy ass and learn how to do it themselves.

If you can't afford an editor, there are PLENTY of free critique groups out there. The best one is the Internet Writing Workshop: http://internetwritingworkshop.org BUT, here's the caveat: they have a participation requirement. You'll have to critique other writers' works.

And guess what? In the process, as you do that, as you see how others critique you, as you see how others approach the same writing you're critiquing, you can LEARN. Because if you think you don't have anything to learn as a writer? Well...

*SNORT!* Then keep doing what you're doing, because it means you won't be selling much, if anything.

One more time...do NOT argue with reviewers.

I had to learn this lesson myself as a newbie author. In my case, content of the book in question was lied about. So this is presented as, once again, a lesson in WHY YOU NEVER EVER EVER ARGUE WITH REVIEWERS!!!

But this...

Break out the popcorn, because this will be one spectacular train wreck unless the author stops what they're doing.

This is simply beyond the pale. And the fact that the author is totally arrogant as they confront the reviewers is a total face/palm. Kudos to the reviewers for screen-capping the stuff the author tried to delete as they tried to cover their path.

Check out the comments on the critical reviews left for this (esp. the 1- and 2-star reviews) and see how the author argues with the reviewers. The book in question is currently a freebie titled "Baby" by J.K. Accinni. http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Species-Intervention-6609-ebook/dp/B0092PLG16/

This part is too long for screencaps. It just has to be read to be believed: http://www.amazon.com/review/R3TBGGNFXS9BMJ/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B0092PLG16

Here are a few screen caps of the author arguing with reviewers:

I don't care what excuse you use: ARGUING WITH REVIEWERS NEVER ENDS WELL! So cut it right the hell out. Not only does it make you look like an idiot, it attracts even more trolls who want to pile on.

*shaking my damn head*

For the love of all that's holy, J.K. Accinni, SHUT THE FRAK UP and just deal with a few bad reviews.

Compound Word Mistakes

Copyblogger has a great post today about compound word mistakes that can make you look less than professional in your writing.

http://www.copyblogger.com/compound-word-mistakes/

The dreaded "blurb."

I hear time and again from writers they can't stand writing blurbs.

I'm weird (not that that's news) and don't mind writing them. The secret? Approach them like a book review. (Hint: if you master writing a blurb, you can use the same approach for your synopsis. Just flesh out the logline and blurb further.)

The "standard" book review, especially for romance, goes something along these lines:

A smart, funny heroine who suddenly inherits an old mansion discovers there's a deep, dark secret.

In walks a handsome, hunky hero...but he's got a mysterious past.

Now the events are ramping up, but is the hero going to help her, or bury her with the other secrets?

Now, obviously, that's just out of my ass, and very simplistic. One common issue I hear writers complain about is, "I can't just compress my book into a sentence!" when it comes to creating the "logline" (or "elevator pitch").

Bucky, you WROTE the darn thing. If you can't summarize it in one sentence, you need to go back and re-read it, and possibly do a hella lot of editing to figure it out. I've written some pretty long-ass books I can easily summarize.

• A dying man enlists his best friend's help in replacing him as his wife's husband and Master. (The Reluctant Dom)
• An out-of-love woman decides to divorce her husband before a summer vacation in a possessed house turns deadly and drives her back into the arms of her former love. (Out of the Darkness)
• A reincarnated goddess and her dragon mates struggle to merge past evils with a present mystery. (Fire and Ice - A Triple Trouble prequel)
• A career-driven woman discovers she's not just an average human when her hunky boss reveals he--and she--are both vampires. (Love and Brimstone)
• A virginal preacher's daughter finds love in the arms of a heartbroken arch demon. (Good Will Ghost Hunting: Demon Seed)
• A divorced single mom of a disabled child survives a cross-country trip with her kids and mother, but also finds love along the way. (Cross Country Chaos)
• A disillusioned woman must learn to trust again under the patient tutelage of a lonely Dom. (The Denim Dom)

I'm going to steal a line from Blake Snyder's awesomsauce screenwriting book, "Save the Cat!"--what do all those loglines start with?

A person who...

"But my book isn't ABOUT a person!"

Stop the whining. Please. You want to be an author, this is part of the dirty work.

A mysterious situation that...

A talking dog which...

A dying civilization tries...

What do they have in common?

They start with a described subject/object/topic/focal point.

No, I'm not saying this has to be your one-sentence "hook" short blurb that many publishers want. (Your logline is your focal point to enable you to condense the topic when pitching the book to agents and publishers, as well as when you formulate your blurb.)

It's better to start short and fill in. If you try to write the long version first, you'll be all over the map and including every damn thing.

No, we don't need to know the subplot.

No, we don't need to know hot smexy goodness in graphic detail.

No, we don't need to know _____.

All we NEED to know is WHO and WHAT. And we need to know it in such a way as it draws us into your book.

"Well, that's FINE, but my book is COMPLICATED. You can't POSSIBLY expect me to summarize it."

Really? REALLY?

Okay. I'll take that bet.

Stephen King's The Stand. (You've heard of that little tome, haven't you? It's like eleventy THOUSAND pages long.)

• A group of survivors struggle in a post-apocalyptic world to rebuild and fight off an evil man bent on further destruction.

Good thing you didn't bet against me, huh?

Taking a couple of my own examples above, here are my short version "hooks":

• Sometimes, love hurts...if you're lucky. (The Reluctant Dom)
• Can a virginal preacher's daughter find love in the arms of an archdemon? Bet your soul on it. (Good Will Ghost Hunting: Demon Seed)
• Who needs leather when you can have denim? A denim Dom, that is. (The Denim Dom)
• He's hell on wheels, but can he win her heart? (Cross Country Chaos)

I know it feels like a painful process.

Get over it. We all had to go through it in the beginning. If you plan on making this your career, you need to rid yourself of the mental block about blurbs and loglines.

I don't mean to sound snarky about this, but seriously, if you had a doctor who was squeamish about giving shots, would you take your kid to them or think they were incompetent?

Okay, I know that's an extreme example, but writing blurbs and selling your book (blurbs are a HUGE part of selling your book) are part of your JOB.

And no, do NOT include excerpts in your blurb or, if you're self-publishing, in the description section of your book. STOP IT. You're lazy if you do that, and if your self-pubbed sales are in the toilet and you have done that, I've got a hint--WRITE A DAMN BLURB. People can get the free sample from Kindle and Nook. You DO NOT put it as your book's description. If you can't write the blurb, you need to unpublish the f*cker and wait until you can to republish it.

Write the blurb in present tense. Trim, trim, trim, until it's the barest skeletal summation.

THEN, and ONLY then, do you start adding a little meat to the bones. Just enough to make the reader hungry. If they can't skim your blurb, then it's too long or too convoluted.

You have to start with the short version to accomplish this. If you aren't sure how to do this, go pull your FAVORITE book by another author off the shelf, read it, and summarize it in one sentence. (Or two VERY short sentences.)

See? Sometimes, distanced emotionally from the actual "birthing" of the book, it's easier to figure it out and the light bulb will come on.

If you still hate the process (and now me LOL) do yourself a favor: go buy  Blake Snyder's "Save the Cat!" (all three books in the series). If you still can't write a logline for your book after reading those, then I don't know what to tell you, sorry.

When you wrote your book, the logline should have hovered in the back of your mind during the entire process. Maybe not consciously, but it should have flavored the entire writing process for you. If it didn't, go BACK and edit your book until you see that thread running throughout the novel.

Now suck it up, buttercup, and go get busy!

Monday Mash-up

Yes, I know, I've fallen way behind with updates. I hope to get back into the swing of posting here on a regular basis.

For today's Monday mash-up of links, I've pulled some gems from emails I get from around the Internet. Hope you find them helpful and/or enlightening.

• Redwood's Medical Edge has a great blog on medical issues for writers. The latest is on burn and crush injuries.
• David Gaughran posts a great writer beware about legacy publishers embracing exploitive vanity publishing scams subsidiaries.
• Writer Unboxed deals with On Rejection and Beyond.
• And Romance University has an informative post about accuracy when talking about characters carrying concealed weapons.

Hope you find these posts helpful.

Happy Monday!